hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
