This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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