He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i dont even know how to be here
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
