4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
