Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
