my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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