he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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