whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
