I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
