im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
