I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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