I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
