this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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