listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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