Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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