chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
