does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
