When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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