If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
