I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
