I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
