I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
