Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
