so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
me + whiskey = a bad person
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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