Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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