he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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