I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
