Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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