One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
