what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
