What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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