Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
