Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
