so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
