Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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