she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
