Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
