I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
