Define "chronic" masturbator.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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