What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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