i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
