don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
