i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
