He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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