i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
