No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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