i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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