i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
