using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
