she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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