I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
