i permit you to call me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
