we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
