Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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