I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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