I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
